Castle Siege

(Dream log entry)

Last night I was leading a siege on a castle, but everything was child-themed...specifically, I remember soccer balls being used as weapons, and at one point the opposing leader tried to call for us to step down and I poured a bottle chocolate syrup on his head in defiance.


I have a feeling that the opposing leader was my brother, although not my real-life one

More roadkill

(Dream log entry)

I am trying to pull out of the driveway in RI. Sometimes it's dark, sometimes raining or foggy. The wheels feel like they are caught on something, so I keep pushing this car, which in the dream feels like a massive jeep. Finally, the car pulls out and rolls down the driveway. 

Then...rabbits.

I'm standing outside the car, and I see a few different rabbits, each with their own variations of size, features, and willingness to be seen by me. Someone (family member? I can't remember) brings a smaller rabbit to me, whose body looks way too long, almost cylindrical. Then I realize that it was this rabbit stuck in the wheel, and I had completely ignored and pushed and pushed the car until it crushed his body into this form. He's still alive, the person tells me, and I cradle him. I am heading back into the house, holding the rabbit against my chest and neck, and praying that he'll pull through.

Birthdays

March 3rd is my bitch.

For life.

Okay, so that's me making a silly statement about a silly notion - the birthday. It is silly, right? That within this weird holiday scheme, everyone is marked with this one day of the year that becomes "ours"...this sense of entitlement that in reality, is shared with plenty of other people and things around the world, but on your birthday, you celebrate you.

I love it, though. It's beautiful.

As a kid, it's the greatest thing ever to finally be that extra year older. Six years old?? Fuck yeah! I'll be practically driving next year!

This year I turned twenty.

Woo!

Wait...so I'm not a teenager anymore.

...My teenage years are over? When did- woah. What? That's seriously crazy. I guess it's just that I still consider myself a teen, still studying in college and still very much dependent on the financial support of my parents. And other forms of support too, of course. Hugs and such.

But I'm afraid birthdays are changing. Yes, it is definitely happening. It's not a bad thing, really, it's just...a different feeling.

HAVING ALL OF THAT BEEN SAID

I had such a fantastic birthday this year. I got to celebrate it twice! 

Day 1: Last day of midterms, which also meant the first day of break! Such a nice feeling. Marisa slaved over making a supremely delicious sushi dinner. I had been craving sushi for so long...it hit the spot with epic strength. Also, Bruce came over and gifted me "Beartato and the Secret of the Mystery" by Anthony Clark. Yeah, he gets me.

Day 2: Marisa and Steve took me to Zenith Cafe, a magical place of wonder and beauty. Amazing food. Amazing amounts of random antiques/art/crap hanging from every surface. I wanted to steal everything. But I just ate the food and smiled, overcome with warm, happy delightfulness.

Then, getting back to the apartment from Zenith, the door was strangely unlocked. When I opened the door, there were...people lying on my floor. In the dark. They were my friends, of course, throwing me in their weird and adorable way a surprise party! Awww! Marisa and Claire had made me a cake (chocolate with peanut butter frosting agsohdf yes) and I had a battle with the mass of candles Eleanor put in the center. I think I know why you spread them out now (the flame just kept coming back!!!)

And we watched M. Night Shyamalan slaughtering of The Last Airbender, screaming at the screen literally the whole time. So much wrong in that movie. But so much right in pointing all of it out.

All in all, as long as I have my friends to gather with me like this once a year, I'll be beyond happy.

Start of Dream Posts

Experiment in Posting #1: Dreams

I really don't know what this blog will turn out to be, but maybe posting dreams will provide some reading interest

I've had some weird ones this year, sometimes with a clear message and other times just an out of nowhere disturbing sequence

Soooo here's me dumping what I've got saved from this year...

2/23/11

Mom, Dan (my brother) and I are waiting for Dad (?) on the wood floor outside the kitchen area. Mom looks thin. She is having almost pleasant conversation with Dan and I, but it feels like she is just talking about something serious in a "but it's no big deal" tone. She wants us to hear something, she plays the answering machine. There is a message from her, from before, where she says something about "I am leaving a message at this moment to document/say that my husband has abused me." She then shows Dan and me the scars/cuts on her back, some old and some new. (Where were we going?)

?? Sophomore year (2x)

Dad and I are trying to cook together, but he keeps getting frustrated because he is going too fast through the recipe and messing it up. I try to laugh it off and calm him down, assure him it's no big deal. I don't recognize the kitchen(s). I think Mom came in at one point to check on us, and we had an "Oh, this is just how Dad is and we will deal with it" eye-roll moment.

2/25/11

Marisa (my roommate) is visiting me in RI, possibly over March break. The roads seem to be pretty abandoned. We are coming down the hill, reaching North Main street, but we are walking, not driving. I am explaing to her how small my state is, when I use the example that just across the street from us is Peter and Eleanor (friends from school, which doesn't make sense for them to be there). We call out to them and wave. We see someone else from CMU later in the dream as well. We start walking down N Main as I think about what we could do, it is possibly getting dark. Marisa looks slightly bewildered thoughout the dream. I think in the end I suggest we go to Thayer street for shopping and seeing people I know.

• could stem from reading a news article about RI teachers all receiving warning of being fired

2/25/11

Around a dinner table with a family I don't recognize: father, mother (standing at the stove finishing dinner), and three children who may have at one point resembled three kids I often babysit for. Dinner is a recently passed pet (rural family from another point in history?), at one point a border collie I think, and the kids are upset about eating the dog, but the father and mother are trying to explain to them why it's a good thing. Somehow I am aware of a story the father has told me of receiving some kind of weird fertilization pills or insertions that you can put in an animal to make it pregnant. I hear him tell me, like thoughts in a movie, "What they don't know is that I put the pills inside her [the pet] before, boy will they be surprised." Either as the mother or myself, I am serving the meat with my hands, which looks like browned tempeh or some kind of asian, rectangular pieces in sauce dish with white and black sesame seeds. I am explaining to the kids that we are honoring the memory of the dog by eating her, because "she loved to eat, and so if we enjoy eating her, it will make her spirit happy." The father agrees and elaborates. This seems to make sense to the kids, but they are still wary.

3/6/11

I am visiting my friend Danielle in Boston and she is taking me to her apartment. She has kind of a sketchy way to get in though. It is a little humorous how she has to climb through someone else's apartment from above to get into her own. We are climbing down from a ledge into the other person's apartment, she has reached the door and I am not yet on the floor when the guy gets up from his perch and pulls out a gun, telling us to freeze. The gun is pointed at me.

3/6/11

I am walking up to the University Center on campus from the main crosswalk.The path seems more of an incline than usual, and it is talking me a long time to walk. There are kitttins lying in the path, and at first I think they are cute and wish I could get one, "remembering" that they sell/give away kittens some days on campus. Then I realize that these kittens are dead, mutilated like roadkill from people walking through them and decay from time and weather. I am horrified, and sometimes I pass by pebbles that are red with their blood. Immidiately after, I am trying to sign up for some kind of kitten adoption/salvation program on campus.

Why?

Right now I've got a lot on my mind, specifically dreams

They've been uh

troubling

lately

and I want to write them down somewhere

Maybe someone will provide wisdom of why my mind is being so mean to me right now

Cool

I think it would be cool if I got into the habit of sharing things I'm interested in too...drawing, cooking/food, music, video games...

We'll see what happens, and hopefully I can change this later, because this first post is pretty lame and embarassing haha